It’s difficult enough to do the “right” thing — to stay within the lines of what is expected. But to step over the lines and live with and learn from the consequences may be even tougher. When we make mistakes, our first reaction is to pull back within the lines, reverting to what is safe. By doing so we lose all the value of our wrong choices. We need to trust our curiosity and trust where it takes us. Growth and progress happen by doing more than pushing the boundaries. We actually have to step over them and experience life on the other side.
We seek love, but the fear and vulnerability that comes with it can be frightening and often paralyzing. As we begin to feel, we slowly peel back the layers, exposing more of ourselves. While this is exhilarating and energizing, we are also unprotected. Uncomfortable in a defenseless state, we may sabotage situations or shut down to safeguard our sensitive side. But during this time, we should remain open that much more. After all, what can really be taken from us? We are not limited in the amount of caring and sharing we can do. The abundance of the heart is endless.
Our instinct is to act first. As long as we take action, we move forward. Doing is being. A good offense is a good defense. Idle hands are the devil’s tools. These are all things we hear over and over. But experience shows us that sometimes the best action is actually no action. Our efforts are too often merely attempts to manipulate outcomes in response to our own insecurities and fear of uncertainty anyway. By doing nothing we trust that causes and effects will arise in the natural flow of life. We don’t have to crawl out of holes if we never dig them.
Lamenting past decisions and focusing on current misfortune are ways we fill our time when suffering. It distracts us from how little control we have and our fear and uncertainty about the future. But it also prevents us from moving forward and experiencing the beauty around us. Our natural reaction when we feel vulnerability or pain is to shut down and protect ourselves. It’s during these times that we must resist that tendency and open up more. By doing so we learn negative feelings are merely waves that wash over and eventually recede creating space for beauty to come in.
It’s easy to forget that the darkest part of any night is still only an instant. Whether positive or negative, every event emerges and expires from moment to moment. We often become attached to the experience and want the good to last forever and think the bad will never go away. But everything is continually changing. Recognizing this and allowing the waves of experience to wash over us without reaction while retaining the courage and wonder to watch what will happen next with an open mind and heart is our challenge and reward. Worry not about the darkness; it never lasts.
We appreciate our alone time and in our current hyper-busy lives, we probably don’t have enough of it. But even when we’re able to slow down and steal a few moments to re-center, we’re never truly alone. Our decisions leave a trail and propel us in new, exciting, and terrifying directions, touching the lives of those we interact with and influencing many more we don’t. It doesn’t matter the shape or direction of our paths. Only that we realize they are constantly unfolding and connected to everyone and everything around us in meaningful ways that will be revealed over time.
Pleased to announce Los Angeles-based independent book publisher Rare Bird Books will be publishing Doug‘s new novel The Investment Club along with the paperback release of his award-winning debut novel, Outside Inin October 2016. Stay tuned for pre-order and event information.
Rare Bird is the parent company of Rare Bird Lit and Rare Bird Books, two Los Angeles-based book industry firms founded by former Book Soup marketing and publicity director Tyson Cornell. Rare Bird Lit, the marketing wing, is a boutique marketing and promotions firm specializing in book promotions for major and independent publishers, authors big and small, and other organizations. Rare Bird Books, the publishing wing, is a PGW-distributed independent publisher of approximately twenty-five books a year in multiple formats, including print, ebook, audio, and limited edition.
We often know immediately when we make mistakes. With more experience we begin noticing the poor choices as they occur. Eventually as we mature, we recognize the bad decisions before they happen. Experiencing this gap between action and reaction allows us to choose a different response and hopefully create a more positive outcome. Unfortunately when we voice our cynical instincts to others, we are often accused of being pessimists. But recognizing negative outcomes before they occur does not make us party poopers or defeatists. It really just shows we are learning and becoming more self-aware.
We all wear masks to hide our true feelings. On occasion it’s to show support for others, sometimes it’s to deceive, and others it’s simply to protect ourselves. With the latter, when what we are feeling is so strong and personal that we can’t share our real reaction, the mask shields us by insulating our vulnerability and tenderness. But this pretend face is an illusion and doesn’t change what we really feel. Only when we have the strength and courage to align our inner and outer lives will the mask dissolve, and we stop pretending.
Our instinct is to act first. As long as we take action, we move forward. Doing is being. A good offense is a good defense. Idle hands are the devil’s tools. These are all things we hear over and over. But experience shows us that sometimes the best action is actually no action. Our efforts are too often merely attempts to manipulate outcomes in response to our own insecurities and fear of uncertainty anyway. By doing nothing we trust that causes and effects will arise in the natural flow of life. We don’t have to crawl out of holes if we never dig them.
